Somebody tell me what the fuck it is about condoms that makes them apparently so expensive to manufacture? Also it seems that lubrication is an extra expense. Until today my entire perception of the subject was completely ass-kicked. A pack of 12 lubricated trojans from CVS is about $13. . . but I spied today on a box of said condoms from Meijer--which I acquired through an interesting, but totally unrelated story--a price tag marking them $5.99.

What the fuck, CVS?

So me and my lady went to Meijer. As it turns out, that was a sale price. The regular price is closer to $6.50. . . I repeat my previous "what the fuck". Upon further inspection, it was discovered that a box of THIRTY-SIX lubricated trojan-brand condoms was approximately $15. That would be $2 more than I was paying for ONE THIRD as many rubbers from CVS.

This made me wonder if perhaps there was something wrong with these condoms. Maybe these are the mormon mom variety. Scrupulous study, however, revealed not a single needle hole.

Great. I've spent a lot of unnecessary money. It's a little cruel actually. Even with a steady girlfriend, I have to pay for sex. Nothing is free I suppose.

Why is it whenever I get the chance to say "I told you so" I can't do so without hating myself?

Two people very close to me recently put themselves very far from me. Half the country away to be exact. Both of them are part of the Disney college program. They left home with grand dreams of magic and wonder, hoping for the best, putting everything they had into this. What did Disney do to them?

Abused them just like I knew Disney would. Between ridiculous slave-labor work schedules and image guideline codes, you almost forget that this is a college program and not a holocaust work camp. Really, I wouldn't even have predicted it being this bad, but I knew it would be something like this. But anytime that thought crosses my mind, I feel like such a bitch because they really wanted this. They worked hard to join the program

I know you're unhappy with it. I'd do anything to make it better. I just wish I were more surprised, and I hate myself for wishing that.

I need to stop abusing myself like this. But it seems I can't.

I love you.

Why must you be so lovely? If you weren't so real, this would be much easier. Then I could believe myself when I try to make excuses. But no, you're the defining essence of exactly what I've been searching for. Just my luck that one of the things I love most about you is exactly what's keeping us apart. You may be even more fiercely loyal than I. You deserve so much better than that boy, but you love him anyway and you forgive him far more than he deserves. I love that about you, and I hate that he's taking advantage of it.

I would do so much just for the chance to make you happy. Please tell your boy to appreciate what a miracle he has in you.

Remaining,

Your constant friend.

I don't understand why she says things like this. I know she cares about me and would never intentionally hurt me... but she acts like I'm still the old me. The me with a complete lack of self-confidence and self-worth who hid it really well. I'd make fun of myself. She'd go along with it. We'd laugh. It brought us closer.

But I'm different now. I built myself some confidence. I use it well. I'm done putting myself down for any reason other than comedy. She sometimes still treats me as if I were still the failure I used to be.

Why am I never the one she just can't get over?

You nearly killed me. I'm still alive... but I don't know how I feel about that. Why does no one love for the sake of love? Why didn't you love me? I don't care if you have to be gone for months at a time. I don't care if you don't want to think about the future right now. I don't care about any of that. I just want you.

I wish you still wanted me.

Why did you tell me you miss me? If you miss me, take me back. I'm right here. But if you don't want me back, don't say you miss me. I won't believe you.

You were once my best friend. You were more than that. You were once my soulmate; my completion; my everything. Then one day you took yourself back. All the pieces of me that had become yours were thrown to the wind, never to be seen again. You hurt me like no one ever had before.

For all that, I forgive you.

But you were all I had. And you promised not to forget me. You promised I was still important to you. You promised you still needed me. You promised.

The gaping hole you left me with has now been filled to overflowing, and I wouldn't go back for the world, but there's something I still need to tell you.

You were my best friend.

But you lied.

I have NEVER met a set of parents who can actually learn from the mistakes of other parents. It happens ALL the time. Parents are too controlling and make their children hate them. Get a fucking grip, parents. You all had it happen to you as a child. You all see it happening to other families, and you ALL do it.

All the worst people I've ever met in my life are parents. Why is that?

Also, what am I doing wrong? Whenever I get close to someone, their parents develop some kind grudge against me. I go out of my way to treat parents respectfully. I've done nothing but try to get along. So why do they hate me so much? Why does SHE hate me so much?

Yes, your daughter and I are together. Deal with it. Yes, we're having sex. We're adults. Deal with it. Your daughter doesn't want to spend time with you because you try to force it on her. You can try all you want, but the more you attempt to control her, the deeper you cut and the longer it will take before she'll stand the sight of you again once she gets away from you.

My parents did this to me. I left them and moved across the country, and I'm not going back. I'm not the first one who's done that. Your daughter is already leaving you in the same way. Keep it up and you'll just push her farther away and she won't come back either. Go ahead, keep it up. I won't miss you.